The Waiting for Parenthood… and grandparenthood

What Is the Lord…  for June 2, 2010

In my previous post under this tag, https://jimkane.wordpress.com/2010/05/18/how-what-where-who/ I wrote of what Bill Tenny-Brittian calls ‘Five Core Spiritual Habits’ (http://www.billtennybrittian.com/archives/431) and my efforts to regularly respond to one of them in a post. One of them is “intentionally encouraging other Christians.” I suppose I do that on a daily basis or almost daily basis as a pastor. But today, I had the opportunity to do so to a fellow believer via a comment on her blog post.

Blogger Brenda Keller over at PEACE LOVE JESUS AND COFFEE ( http://brendakeller.blogspot.com) wrote a post yesterday entitled “Learning in the Waiting” (http://brendakeller.blogspot.com/2010/06/learning-in-waiting.html) where she makes known her frustrations about being thirty and unmarried. Her honesty touched me and so I replied with a comment about the challenge of waiting for marriage, parenthood, and other things are not easy and acknowledged her feelings.

It also moved me to briefly tell a personal story about waiting for parenthood.

My wife and I have been married over 27 years. We have two boys who are 14 and 12. (15 and 13 this year.) We waited 10 years to have kids. Not out of being selfish but because we needed those ten years to establish our marriage in a good and God honoring way.

So after 10 years, we started trying to have kids. After about a year my wife said to me, “Something’s wrong with you. Go see your doctor.” So I did. He referred me to another doctor.

She was right…

So 11 years into my marriage, I had infertility surgery.

I remember telling the congregation I served at the time on the Sunday prior to the surgery that I was having it because I may otherwise never become a dad. It got very quiet. (And later one of the young adult members spoke of a change of attitude toward us because she thought we did not like kids.)

Praise God, it worked…twice (I mentioned this to the boys just prior to dinner a few weeks ago and was met with, “Okay dad, too much information… yuck dad, we are almost ready to eat! You think that they would be grateful that I did!)

So now, while my high school classmates are celebrating the accomplishments of their grandkids (and a few of my college ones as well) and while my college classmates are launching their last one out of the nest, the Mrs. and I are transitioning in the next 48 hours from the elementary and middle school era into the middle school and high school era.

Yes there are days I wish they were 10 years older (we would have more food in the house; it would be quieter; I could go on vacation again in the off-seasons) and I am finding more and more that I want grandkids to love, feed sugar too, and send them home! Seriously, I find the grandparenting instinct growing in me but pray that will not happen until they (my sons not the grandkids… I am looking forward to doing that!) are properly trained and then married first before kids come along.

But for the most part… I wouldn’t change a thing.

I am aware of a couple in their 30’s who tried and tried to have kids over the past several years but couldn’t and so they have adopted one and are working toward another. And I applaud them and others who take children in who need a good home and give them a home.

If you are reading this post and you or someone you know (especially if you are a guy) is going through the trials and pain of trying to become parents, let them know that someone understands… I am speaking of God and not me. He knows what you are feeling and aching over.

I will not recite all the clichés that are shared. I simply acknowledge your feelings and stand with you.

God be with you this day.

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