I have become a fan of AMC’s Madmen, a wonderfully staged dramatic series set in NYC of the early 60’s around a fictional ad agency. The lead male and female characters, played by Jon Hamm and January Jones, are Don and Betty Draper.
The Draper’s represent the ever-emerging middle/upper-middle American class that has been held in high regard and as a key part of the American Dream for many decades.
As the Draper characters have developed, it has become very apparent that they also represent the tensions and challenges to marriage that continue to plague American martial life, namely, narcissism.
Yes, narcissism… that mindset in which ‘me first’ is the norm.
I was struck very clearly by this as I watched last night’s episode (Sunday, October 11, 2009).
In that episode, we see that Betty resorts to narcissism in the form of flirting with another man and then when he literally embraces her, she pulls away with a fright that does not seem feigned, and goes home.
Don, concurrently, ends up in bed with his daughter Sally’s former grade school teacher as the show closes. He wants her and he does not care what others think. (And she, him.)
But behind the narcissism, that is still very much alive and well today, is a great deal of inner pain that we always tried to bury or numb through a variety of means (including relationships and… social media.)
As the story line has continued to unfold, with Don a season or so ago and his brother than he did not want to see, and more recently with Betty and her dying father, there are the unresolved issues and the deep seated need in both characters to be loved and affirmed, are not effectively addressed.
What was true nearly 50 years ago, is true still today.
What this points me toward is that in premarital prep, that I do from time to time, is really a time to address the skill of listening to and affirming the other. It also reveals to me something that I have been working for the past 10 months – of reducing the overload of my life and restructuring my time so that I am truly ‘there’ for my family… and, interestingly enough, there for God as well.
Unnecessary busyness and overwork continue to kill intimacy in marriage whether it is 1963 or 2009.
Filed under: Thoughts and Reflections | Tagged: MadMen, marriage
While I have not seen the show you are referring to, who in our society is not familiar with reality you describe. It saddens me more and more as I watch the destruction of marriages and family on a daily basis.
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Thanks,