Reflections on failure

Back in the 80’s it seemed many books had titles begin with ‘A Theology of…’ For a while now, I have thought someone needs to write a book (or article) with the words ‘A Theology of Failure,’ in it.

Well, I almost titled this blog post ‘Toward a Theology of Failure.’ But, as I began to write ‘reflections’ seem to be a better word to use.

The occasion for this post arise from my current reading of John Ortberg’s book, If You Want to Walk on Water, You’ve Got to Get Out of the Boat. Yes, it is based on the gospel account of Peter’s walking toward Jesus on the water during a storm.

As I read chapter 7, ‘That Sinking Feeling,’ Ortberg’s words about failure went deep into my heart and soul and I found myself praying to God about my fear and shame regarding my failures.

So, as I prayed and read; then prayed; then read some more, I began to think about the need to frame a biblical view of failure that neither minimizes nor overstates it.

Ortberg takes us back to King David and his descent into the cave of Adullam where he was to spend about 10 years of his life. “God,” Ortberg goes onto say, “does some of his best work in caves.” He recalls Elijah’s experience after the overwhelming victory on Mt Carmel and, Jesus’ resurrection in the ‘cave’ called a tomb.

As I read, I was struck by Ortberg’s discussion of why we do not learn from our failures and want to sweep them under the rug or bury them deeply within us and not appropriately learn from them. One word – fear and shame. (Okay, two words.)

I also think of perfectionism (something that I have done battle with all my life) and, as does Ortberg, ‘impression management’ when it comes to failure. I do not like to be a failure nor have failure in my life.

But the question that I really have asked over the years is: Is failure, sin?

To me it is. But is it, really?

As I write these words, I recall a very profound personal failure of decades ago that I am realizing I need to learn from but have not because I have been stonewalled by fear and shame (read; denial). Yet as I have read and prayed through Ortberg’s book, I now have a hopeful clarity that learning from this profound failure is one of the ways that God’s grace and mercy can flow freely in my heart and soul in some new ways.

I just wonder, is learning from failure an important spiritual discipline that we need to include in an update list of disciplines? We have confession but do we really do the right kind of confession anymore?

I am not talking about a morbid, soul flailing that causes us to beat ourselves up. (AKA, shaming.)

I am talking about a honest review of what happened with a safe person. Those in the 12-step community, call this, I believe, Steps 4, 5 and even 10.

I am still wrestling with how God can use my failures, and, to me, they seem to be many, to accomplish His good work in and through me. But I am growing less fearful of my failures and more hopeful that they will become pathways to growth instead of walls and barriers to it.